I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking about times when I have not been proud of myself and trying to forgive myself for those, and in doing so turned back to one of my favourite albums and I would say the best album I have ever had the honour of listening to: Kendrick Lamar’s Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers. This morning I walked for almost two hours listening to it, and I would have gone longer except for the fact it got to 1pm and I had forgotten to eat, and hunger hit me like a freight train at the tenth kilometre. I have two favourite albums, I think - Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers is how I feel, and the other one is how I want to feel. It’s an absolute masterpiece of an album and has kept me company during some pretty spiritually draining times in my life, and given me hope for a more meaningful and conscious world when hope for that was in extremely short supply.
I keep telling people to listen to it and they brush it off saying that kind of thing wouldn’t be for them, which feels quite prejudiced. I think people conflate rap with drugs and guns and gang violence, which obviously it can be, but I sincerely believe it’s one of the highest art forms - the level of intelligence and consciousness required to execute the rap that I listen to is absolutely off the charts. I have listened to these songs quite literally hundreds of times, and I’m still blown away each time. I am in awe of Kendrick Lamar and his mind - he’s not just any rapper, he’s a rapper with a Pulitzer Prize. I respect him beyond measure for how he expresses himself, and I still can’t wrap my head around how and why someone on his level would single me out of a crowd of 50,000 people and thank me. Me??? Bro.
This album is a very personal one where he goes through too many important things to mention individually. It feels like a search for true meaning, understanding and spiritual fulfilment. It feels very raw and honest, and it seems rare to be exposed to such a level of authenticity, self-awareness and accountability. One of the things I admire most in this world is accountability. We are all human and we are all flawed and it is guaranteed that we are all going to fuck up, but it takes so much courage to reflect on what you have done and why you have done it, and even more courage to commit to doing better. I hold so much respect for anyone who can do that and do it with sincerity.
Here are my favourite bars from each song of the album (except the interludes). It took everything in me to minimise it as much as possible and only include one from each song. Some of the songs are absolute perfection from start to finish: Count Me Out, Rich Spirit, Die Hard, Mother I Sober, N95… and Count Me Out again, but they all deserve equal attention.
1. United in Grief
“I went and got me a therapist
I can debate all my theories and sharing it, woah.
Consolidate all my comparisons, humblin’ up because time was imperative, woah.
Started to feel like it’s only one answer to everything, I don’t know where it is, woah.”
2. N95
“Take off the unloyal, take off the unsure, take off decisions I lack
Take off the fake deep, take off the fake woke, take off the, "I'm broke, I care"
Take off the gossip, take off the new logic that if I'm rich, I'm rare
Take off the Chanel, take off the Dolce, take off the Birkin bag
Take all that designer bullshit off, and what do you have?”
3. Worldwide Steppers
“Yesterday, I prayed to the flowers and trees
Gratification to the powers that be
Synchronization with my energy chakras”
4. Die Hard
“Do you love me? Do you trust me?
Can I trust you? Don't judge me
I'ma die hard, it gets ugly
Too passionate, it gets ugly
…
My truth too complicated to hide now
Can I open up? Is it safe or not?
I'm afraid a little, you relate or not?
Have faith a little, I might take my time
Ain't no savin' face this time”
5. Father Time
“Cause everything he didn’t want, was everything I was”
6. Rich Spirit
“Ayy, clout chasing hell of a disease, brother
I'm fasting four days out the week, brother”
7. We Cry Together
“Wastin' my time and energy tryna be good to you…
…
Stressin' myself tryna figure why I'm not good enough
Goin' to church, prayin' for you, searchin' for good in us”
8. Purple Hearts
“I bless it that you have an open heart, I bless that you forgive
I bless it that you can learn from a loss, I bless it that you heal
I bless one day that you attract somebody with your mind exact
A patient life, flaws, bless 'em twice, and they'll bless you back”
9. Count Me Out (this entire song is perfection from start to finish so I will only write one verse because otherwise I’ll be copying in the whole song)
“I care too much, wanna share too much, in my head too much
I shut down too, I ain't there too much
I'm a complex soul, they layered me up
Then broke me down, and morality's dust, I lack in trust
This time around, I trust myself
Please everybody else but myself
All else fails, I was myself
Outdone fear, outdone myself
This year, you better one yourself”
10. Crown
“Love gon' get you killed (Love gon' get you killed)
Uh, I can't please everybody (I can't please everybody)
Uh, I can't even please myself (I can't even please myself)”
11. Silent Hill
“Pushin' the snakes, I'm pushin' the fakes
I'm pushin' 'em all off me like, “Huh"
12. Savior
“And they like to wonder where I've been
Protecting my soul in the valley of silence”
13. Auntie Diaries
“The day I chose humanity over religion
The family got closer, it was all forgiven”
14. Mr. Morale
“Every thought is creative, sometimes, I'm afraid of my open mind”
15. Mother I Sober
“Water watchin', live my life in nature, only thing relieves me
Spirit guide whisper in my ear, tell me that she sees me”
16. Mirror
“I realized true love's not savin' face
But unconditional…
Sorry I didn't save the world, my friend
I was too busy buildin' mine again”
17. The Heart, Part 5
“In the land where hurt people hurt more people
Fuck callin' it culture”
I think that last one is my favourite.