Hello. This is something I’ve been thinking about doing for a while, but I’ve been putting off for myriad reasons, but I think I’m gonna give it a go now. The main reason I want to do it is that I absolutely hate having a social media presence, but if I have to have one, I want it to be meaningful. I am probably more emotional than the average person, and pair that with the fact the last couple of years have been the most mentally, physically and spiritually draining years of my life with an increasing social media presence - it’s a bit of a recipe for disaster for me. Those of you who have come across me in the last couple of years may not believe this, but I am actually by nature quite a reserved and quiet person. I have definitely been prone to oversharing and being perhaps too open with people, and I think that is perhaps down to the aul ADHD and ‘trauma’ that has heavily disregulated my nervous system and ability to process anything normally. I'm a certified crash out!
I know I also come across very hotheaded (I’m an Aries and this is my natural hair colour, so…) I laugh it all off but I do not actually enjoy this as I hate being perceived in any way by anyone, and I always feel like I’m doing myself and what I’m trying to express a huge disservice by my impulsivity. I also need to exercise my literacy, as honestly I had a bit of a breakdown last year after feeling like I was experiencing burnout and what I termed ‘regressive literacy’ for months at work, and I really need to work to get my brain back. I cannot believe that this is the same brain that used to read hundreds of pages of classic literature a week. I haven’t finished a book since January 2024. Bruh.
Anyway, I think I’m just going to use this space to discuss things that mean something to me, and actually articulate what I need to express in a controlled and calm way (rather than whipping out TikTok) I also like the idea of writing here and people not being able to comment on it, as I am drained from reading unsolicited opinions, which are offered to me quite frequently. I have very strong opinions on this which I will save for another time. Some people also don’t like me discussing things, particularly difficult things. I don’t care. I've always found it important to give space to the ugly or hard things, as that's where you learn the most. I imagine I am going to say things on here that will upset a few people, but once again, I don’t care. Everything I say, I say with conviction and purpose so if you’re upset by it, that’s on you. This is for me and whoever willingly chooses to read it, but primarily for me.
Today I made the first pair of Luna earrings in a very, very long time. I actually can’t remember when I last made them, but I would guess it was sometime in the second half of 2023. My god, I was in love with these earrings and it meant so much to me to be in a position to make them. I wore them ALL. THE. TIME. When I first started this, I didn’t have an awful lot of money (I still don’t lol) so I was just working with the basics. After about a year and a half of practice and hard work (though this time includes a desperately bad 11 month bout of insomnia where I took myself off the grid) I was able to afford more in terms of materials and supplies to work with, and boy, did I hit up pearls and gemstones. I have been obsessed with gemstones since I was very, very young and there is absolutely no shortage of crystals in my home. I was in my element now that I was able to incorporate these into what I was making. I felt like the world was my oyster in terms of creativity now that I had more access to materials, and I completely sank myself into all of these creative opportunities to distract myself from all the horrible stuff I was feeling from my personal life.
I started to really get into markets, and it was at this time I came across someone else who was using polymer clay as their primary medium to make jewellery. There’s always going to be curiosity when you see someone using the same materials as you, but this person had a completely different style to me so I wasn’t very concerned. We then met each other at a market in UCC, which I had been so looking forward to doing as that is where I had done both my BA and my MA. However, she completely ripped the joy out of the day by saying she was so lucky she didn’t make jewellery that looked like mine, as according to her, my jewellery was common and not “unique and special” like hers. I didn’t find it upsetting, but I did find it infuriating that someone thought they could speak to me like that, especially when their offerings were covered in literal mud. Around this time, I noticed she began copying a lot of my so called common jewellery, which earned her a block on Instagram. The Luna earrings were one of the first pairs I noticed her taking. The moon is an extremely common motif, I would not have cared if she was simply employing the moon in her designs as I have no ownership over the moon. But she was copying everything about my Luna earrings, from the colours, to the link chains and the pearls or beads I used, and it was a complete departure from her own style. It pissed me the fuck off, but I kept quiet about it as I didn’t want to be that person and making a name for myself as someone who is bad tempered and difficult, but I kept an eye on it (as we all know now)
It had an effect I didn’t like. I stopped making those earrings as I got the ick after seeing her poorly made knock offs. It didn’t matter how much I loved them or how proud I was of them at the time, every time I looked at my own it just reminded me of how disgusted I was that someone was doing that to me, so I stopped making them. This was lame, I know, but I didn’t want to be reminded of it, and given the fact we were sharing the scene in Cork, I didn’t want anyone to think I was copying her or being unoriginal, so I left them go. I kept making the Mini Lunas as she hadn’t taken those… yet. But even after she did, I kept making them. I think it was more upsetting with the original Luna earrings as I had a deeper emotional tie to them for what they represented to me: being able to create something new and beautiful, with the knowledge it was only scratching the surface of what I am capable of making once I fully commit to and believe in myself, and also how proud I was of myself for doing that and putting myself back out into the world when I felt so worthless and broken down inside.
Some haters on TikTok get thick with me if I ever mention the beef, which I actually don’t often do. I’m not sorry for discussing something that had a significant impact on my life and my work for over a year. Period.
Idk guys, I will be employing the same methods I used for submitting my college papers: trusting in myself, not really proofreading anything I have written and just hoping for the best. It never failed me back then. Byeeeeeee.
P.S. if anyone actually made it this far, you can use the code ‘nonsense’ at checkout for free shipping until 31.08 xoxo